


The Only Boy I Truly Love

by queenys



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-09
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-04-03 14:00:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4103509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenys/pseuds/queenys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity Smoak has loved lots of boys in her lifetime. When her younger sister, Shado, accidentally forces her to face her feelings, she realizes she may not be over one of her older crushes. High School AU based on the novel "To All the Boys I've Loved Before"</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter is more-so an introduction to the story and the characters. hope y'all enjoy!

Felicity loved numbers. Though her expertise was predominately in ones and zeros, she loved all kinds of numbers. Numbers calmed her. Words, well, they often failed her, but numbers protected her. When life got difficult, Felicity liked to think of numbers. This morning, as she let the hot water welt her neck and back, Felicity thought about one number in particular. 650,000. Over 650,000 people lived in Starling City. Over 650,000 people and Felicity chose to like the one person who was completely off limits. Barry Allen.

“FELICITY IF YOU DON’T GET OUT OF THE SHOWER IN THE NEXT 5 MINUTES IM TAKING THOSE PANDA FLATS TO CENTRAL CITY WITH ME!” 

“Frack,” Felicity mutters as she turned off the water and jumped out of the shower. “You promised I could keep them when you left. You can’t go back on that. What happened to the whole ‘Smoak girls stick together’ thing?”

“That was before you made me late to my last date with Barry,” Caitlin yells through the closed door. “Now let me in!” With a click of the lock, Caitlin stormed into the bathroom, curling iron in hand. 

“Sorry, I forgot your date was tonight,” Felicity remarks as she towel dried her hair.

“Well, I leave for Central City tomorrow so this is really the only time we have left.” While Caitlin was a freshman in college, Barry was Felicity’s age. They would be going into their senior year of high school in three days.

“I don’t get why you’re going to CCU anyway, the med program is just as good as the one in Starling.”

“Yeah but SCU doesn’t have a co-op opportunity with STAR Labs now does it?”

Felicity could feel herself getting nervous. “Who cares about STAR Labs? There’s other places closer to home. Places where you could commute to. You could still stay home and hang out with me and Shado and mom.”

Ever since their father had died, Caitlin had gone out of her way to make Felicity and their littlest sister, Samantha (who strictly went by childhood nickname Shado), feel normal. With their mother constantly taking extra shifts to support the family, Caitlin became a secondary mother to the two girls—waking them up every morning, making their favorite meals, driving them to and from anywhere they wanted. Caitlin was the adult of the house.

“Felicity, I know you’re scared. I’m scared to. This whole thing is….scary. But you know the recipes to all of Shado’s favorite foods, you know the times of all of her soccer games, and you can do this on your own. Besides, mom promised to take it easy on her shifts the first few weeks I’m gone.” And with those words, Felicity felt a wave of relief. She could do this. She’s watched Cait do this for years. She’s got this. 

*****

The following day, Felicity woke up at 5am to take Caitlin to the airport. On the drive there, something felt off—something beside the fact that it was way too early for Felicity to function properly. As Donna Smoak drove the broken down Volkswagen down the highway, Felicity remembered that Barry was supposed to be coming with them. She took out her phone immediately.

Felicity: _Where’s B? I thought he was coming with us?_

Felicity kicked the back of Caitlin’s seat and waited for her reply.

Caitlin: _We broke up._

Confusion erupted Felicity’s mind. Wait, what? They what? Was she not going to tell her this before she left? Why did they break up? Who broke up with who? Does this mean he’s not hanging out with us anymore? She felt her phone vibrate again

Caitlin: _Don’t tell Mom. Or Shado. I’ll tell them when I’m ready._

_When’s that? When you’re 1,000 miles away?_ Felicity thought to herself.

“What are you talking about babe?” Donna asked, peering into her rearview mirror. So maybe she didn’t think that to herself.

She looked over to see Shado staring at her, wrinkling her brows. “Oh, nothing, just singing a song,” Felicity said, pretending to bob her head to imaginary music.

*****

Seeing Caitlin off was harder than expected. Despite her annoyance with her sister’s secret, Felicity loved Caitlin and knew her leaving would change the family dynamic forever. After teary goodbyes and promises to call as soon as she landed, Caitlin boarded her flight.

The drive back was quiet and Felicity began thinking back on her thoughts from the the night before. Barry. Felicity has known Barry her entire life. They were in diapers together, they went to school together, they played in the raggedy treehouse in her backyard together. Does this breakup mean they’re no longer friends? Is he not coming over for X-Files marathons anymore? Cait can be so selfish sometimes.

_Actually, no, she’s selfish a lot of times_ , Felicity thought. _Barry was my friend before Caitstarted hanging out with us. Barry was my crush before Cait started dating him. Barry was mine. And now he’s neither of ours._

Felicity was smart enough to know she was being overdramatic, but she was also smart enough to know she’s right. Barry doesn’t need the Smoaks now that Cait is gone and they are over. _Well, at least he’ll be easier to get over when he’s not always around the house._

*****

“I’m just saying you have no idea where you’re going,” Shado yelled over the radio.

“I’m just saying until you get your license you’re gonna have to deal with me and my lack of map skills.”

It had been two days since Caitlin left and everything was already a mess. Their mother had burnt the past two meals, Shado had been more temperamental than usual, and Felicity’s had become annoyed with everyone. Thankfully, school was starting tomorrow and she could submerge herself in books and ignore Shado’s “I hate everyone” phase.

“One more year,” Shado murmured as she looked back down at her phone.

Just as Felicity opened her mouth to reply, a large pop came from her below. “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no nooo. Not now,” Felicity pleaded with her red Mini Cooper as she drove off to the side of the road.

“What was that?”

“You’re gonna have to call your coach and tell him you’re gonna be late,” Felicity said, avoiding her sister’s stare.

“I can’t be late for practice, Lis. He’s gonna bench me for our first game! Call Barry! Figure something out!”

Felicity sighed. She’s been avoiding Barry since Cait told her about the breakup. It’s not that she doesn’t want to talk to him, it’s just they’re both already so awkward and the whole situation makes everything 1000x worse. She got out of the car, looked at the busted tire, and begged God to send someone for help. Someone who wasn’t Barry.

Suddenly, a back Audi R8 pulled up behind them. Felicity watched as a blonde kid stepped out of the car and walked up to them.

Taking off his Ray-Bans, he looked at Felicity, “You need help?”

Felicity groaned. _Anybody but him._ “What?”

Blushing, Felicity faked a smile at the boy she’d know since elementary school. “My tire is busted, obviously, you see that, and Shado has to get to soccer practice in like 10 minutes and so now we’re trying to figure out wha-” “Do you have a spare tire?” Shado asked, cutting off Felicity’s babbling.

“I don’t, but I can take you to practice if you want,” he replied, smiling at Felicity’s flushed face.

“That’s okay, I’m going to call Barry…uh Allen. Barry Allen. And see if he can pick us up. I’m sure Starling City’s golden boy Oliver Queen has better things to do than drive us around town,” Felicity said, crinkling her nose at how rude her reply came off.

Oliver flashed her a playful smile and let out a low…chuckle? Was that a chuckle? “I’m not sure if you check gossip sites, but I’m not Starling’s golden boy, and I have time to drive you 5 minutes up the road. It’s not a big deal, Felicity.”

“Then it’s a plan,” Shado shouted, causing Felicity to take herself away from Oliver’s searing blue eyes. “Oliver can take me to practice.”

Glancing at Oliver’s car, Felicity realized the three of them couldn’t all fit in the two-seater. “I can take her and then come back and pick you up?” Oliver said, understanding her dilemma.

“Um that won’t be necessary. Just take her to practice and I can call Barry to pick me up.” Felicity could feel Shado staring at her. “Oh and you don’t need to pick her up from practice or anything. Everything will be fine by then. Thank you for the offer, though,” Felicity said as she crawled back into her car to grab her phone.

“Okay then, I’ll see ya at school tomorrow,” Oliver said as he and Shado walked to his car.

Felicity watched them drive off as she dialed Barry’s number. _Let’s see if this day can get any more awkward…_

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity faces Barry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone reading! starting with chapter 3, i will be updating every tuesday. i know this chapter is extremely short, but it is necessary for the drama (and olicity) we will be getting in the next few chapters. enjoy (:

“Lis, you know I love you…right.”

Felicity sighed. She had spent the car ride home pretending to be enthralled by whatever pop hits played continually on 98.9, hoping Barry wouldn’t bring up the inevitable.

“Yes, Bar. I know.”

Barry cleared his throat as Felicity opened the passenger door of his car. Turning to say goodbye, Felicity was shocked by the chaste kiss placed on her cheek. “And you know that no matter what happens between me and Cait, I will always be here for you and Shado. I love my Smoak sisters.”

She couldn’t stop the smile from creeping over her lips as she shut the door and pranced up to her house. In typical Felicity fashion, she has been lead to believe her friendship was replaceable. Now, with Barry’s words clouding her brain, she understands that even without Cait, Barry is still hers. Well not _hers_ hers, but hers. It makes sense in her head.

*****

Felicity spent her last day of summer doing what she always did, coding. Coding soothed her pre-school jitters with its numbers and complex thinking. Don’t get her wrong, school is great—Felicity loves school, but being surrounded bitchy mean girls and pretentious jocks all day is something she will never be ready for. So, when she wants to forgets about those people, she chooses to get lost in a world filled with only ones and zeroes. Her internal monologue on how computer replacing people wouldn't be _that_ bad was interrupted by a loud knock. Before she has time to gather her thoughts, Shado is storming through her bedroom door.

“Lissy, something happened,” Shado sobs.

Lissy. Something only Shado calls her. Something only used when Shado is at her wit’s end. Something only said when the worst has happened.

“What happened? Are you okay? Did Oliver make you late for practice? He promised he’d get you there in ti-” “Lissy, no. I talked to Cait,” Shado said while catching her breath.

“Oh, Cait," Felicity exhaled, grateful that Oliver didn't screw up and give her another chance to have an awkward conversation with him. "Wait, did something bad happen to Cait? She just got there! Is she alright? Why didn’t she call me? I know Mom's still at work but I'm pretty sure if Cait said it was an emergency she could get out of whatever surgery she has scheduled today.”

Annoyed with her babbling Shado raised her voice, “Lis, Cait and Barry broke up.” Tears began to form in her eyes for the second time.

At the age of fifteen, Shado has spent her entire life around Barry. Barry and Felicity has been in the same class since preschool. He had dated Caitlin for 5 years. Bar was like a brother to her. Her reaction was completely justified to her big sister.

Engulfing Shado in her embrace, Felicity attempted to calm her down. “It’s gonna be okay, Shado! I promise.”

“How could they do this? They were supposed to be together forever? Barry can’t just leave,” Shado continued, ignoring Felicity’s optimism.

“Shado, remember when I told you I’d call Bar about my car. Well, I did. We talked. It’s okay. I promise.” 

Shado’s cries quieted, causing Felicity to believe her words had brought comfort to the girl. Instead of the expected appreciation, Felicity's words were countered with haste.

“Barry talked to you about this?" Shado scoffed, "He hasn’t even talked to me since Cait left for school. I couldn't figure out why. I’ve texted him at least four times the past two days.”

Felicity smiled, “We talked for a bit on the car ride home. He loves us, Shado. Even if Cait did break up with him. He told me that no matter what happens, he will always be there for the Smoak sisters. Everything is gonna be fine.”

With that, Shado jumped off Felicity’s polka dotted bedspread. A quick “alright” left her lips as she exited the room. Felicity chalks her weirdness up to Shado’s newfound attitude. _She’s probably just embarrassed she ruined the badass act by coming in here and crying to me_ , Felicity giggled to herself. After finishing her project, she left her laptop on the bed and ran off to the shower, mentally preparing herself for the next day. It was going to be a loooong day. At least she’s got Barry.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the first day of senior year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's been forever. i think the correct estimate is 100000 years. it's been 100000 years. but im back baby! with some newfound inspiration. hope y'all enjoy!

"PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVE A GOOD REASON FOR NOT CALLING ME BACK LAST NIGHT," Felicity hears as she closes her locker.

"Hi Sara," she teases as the other girl fires her way towards her.

"No seriously, why did you not call me back last night? It's the night before the first day of school. It's a ritual. You've broken my trust forever," Sara says melodramatically, slamming herself into the locker next to Felicity.

"You know things have been weird since Cait left," Felicity shrugged. "I volunteered to help Shado bake cupcakes for her team's fundraiser today because mom had 2 shifts and of course they turned out horrible because, hello, it was _me_ baking. So then I had to remake the cupcakes 2 more times until Shado deemed them acceptable and once I finished I ran to my bed and never looked back."

Sara laughed as Felicity's face turned bright red thinking about those annoying confetti cupcakes. "Calm down Lis, it's your favorite day of the year! No botched cupcakes can bring down your nerdy excitement for AP Lit."

Felicity smiled at her best friend as they begin walking down the English Department's hallway. Despite their blonde hair, the two girls couldn't be more different. Sara was the cool younger sister of the even cooler Laurel Lance, the soon to be SCHS Prom Queen. She took absolutely no AP classes, constantly skipped lunch to pick up Big Belly Burger for she and Felicity, and loved to party. Meanwhile, Felicity took night classes at SCU for college credit, would never be caught skipping school, and couldn't stand the dumb parties Sara made her go to.

Nonetheless, the girls have been inseparable since kindergarten. Even after Felicity skipped the fifth grade and left Sara behind, the two would hang out as much as possible on weekends—listening to music,watching really bad 80s movies, and sneaking out every so often to go to whatever party Sara knew about (much to Cait's dismay). Their friendship was unbreakable.

Once they hit Mr. Wells' room, Sara gave Felicity a supportive squeeze on her forearm before walking to her next class. "Have fun, loser."

*****

"Wowww this year is going to be a joke, isn't it?" Felicity said as she slipped into the seat next to Barry. AP Stats was the last class of the day for her and, weirdly enough, the only class she had with him. There were usually about 2 AP classes for every subject at SCHS, meaning the variety of classmates was particularly low, but somehow Felicity had managed to make it through the entire day without seeing her friend.

Barry nodded quickly while playing whatever game he had on his phone.

"So how was your day? Ms. Allen seemed like the only teacher who actually cared if we even showed up to class," she laughed, pulling out her binder.

"Ha yeah," Barry replied quickly, refusing to look up from his phone.

"Tommy Merlyn's in my AP Bio class," Felicity continued, trying to pry him from his phone. "I almost choked when the teacher said his name and he was actually sitting there, sober and awake. I could've sworn the apocalypse was happening."

Barry fidgeted his leg before sitting his phone down and nodding his head, finally looking up at Felicity.

"Um why are you sweating? And why do you keep bouncing your leg? Are you ok? Did something happen?" Felicity had never seen Barry act like this. Even at his most nervous, he babbled nonstop. Moments of silence were hard to come by around him.

"I, uh, got your...your letter," Barry let out before looking at the tiled floor, taking a deep breath.

"Barry what are you talking about? I didn't send you a letter?" Felicity laughed, hunching down in an attempt to force Barry to look at her.

"I got your letter...the one about you, and, uh, me, and...Caitlin, and my, uh, perfect skin, and-" "Good afternoon, class. I hope you've all had an excellent summer," Mr. Gilmore interrupted, walking into the room as the bell rang.

Felicity snapped her head to the front of the class, thinking about what Barry had said while Mr. Gilmore passed out the syllabi. _You, me, perf-OH MY GOSH THE LETTERS._

"What letters, Miss Smoak?" Mr. Gilmore asked, bringing Felicity back to reality.

"Oh," Felicity jumped, turning bright red. "I was thinking about the, uh, letters of the alphabet and how they're extremely underrated in, uh, math equations," she spewed, hoping that her horrible excuse wouldn't warrant any followup questions.

"Well, I would disagree Miss Smoak. Now, back to the syllabus..." Mr. Gilmore continued, granting Felicity's wish.

*****

"Whoa there cowgirl, why do you look like you just saw a ghost?" Sara asked as Felicity walked up to her car after school.

"Because I did. Well, metaphorically speaking, kind of," Felicity said, her face having gone from bright red to pale white. As soon as she embarrassed herself with alphabet babble, Felicity had done everything possible to not look away from the syllabus in stats. As soon as the bell rang, she sprinted out of class and made way to the parking lot.

"What are you talking about Lis?" Felicity was never usually this shaken, especially not after spending eight hours doing things she likes to do. Sara knew this was something serious.

"Do you remember those letters I used to write to people a few years back?"

Sara started laughing as soon as she remembered what Felicity was talking about. "You mean those weird love letters you wrote and addressed to guys you liked in middle school?"

"Yeah, those letters. The letters I would hide in my tech box so no one would find them because they are literally the most embarrassing things I own. And you know how many embarrassing things my mom has given me." Felicity could feel herself getting red again as she continued. "And now apparently these super embarrassing letters are not hidden in my tech box because Barry brought up things I wrote to him in that stupid letter from freshman year before AP Stats and he won't look at me because he has my letter and he knows that I wrote about how I would 'harbor feelings for him like Boston harbors tea' and God I hate myself."

"He knows about the letter? He read your letter? You wrote a line about the Boston Tea Party?" Sara watched as her best friend starting pacing in front of her, weary of how she might react to her next question, she pushed on. "Does this mean other people have read your _other_ letters?"

Felicity froze. Her other letters. She had forgotten about them completely.

"Actually," Sara began once she realized her friend was on the verge of a mental breakdown, "they probably haven't. Two of those guys don't even live in Starling anymore, their addresses are probably completely different or something. And I feel like you would've known if the _other_ one read his."

"Shit, shit, shit," Felicity said, opening the car door. "We need to go to my house now."

Sara jumped in the passenger seat, not willing to question Felicity when she's this tense.

The ride to her house was completely silent with Felicity lost in thought and Sara praying to God Felicity wasn't going to drive the car off a bridge. The two didn't speak until they walked into Felicity's room.

"I can't believe this happening to me," Felicity muttered, grabbing a box overflowing with wires and adapters from under her bed. She began throwing every single item out until she got to the bottom, where she found absolutely nothing.

"Fuck," she said, throwing the box on the ground.

"Lis, it's okay," Sara finally let out, attempting to console her best friend. "I know it seems like the end of the world, but it's not. Like I said, no one else probably even got a letter—just Barry—and Barry is smart, he'll believe you if you tell him it was just some dumb thing you did when you were young. It's not like you like him anymore?"

"Uh yeah," Felicity murmured as she sat on her bed, staring at the contents of her box sprawled out on her floor.

"Just tell him it means nothing now and you don't want it to change your friendship. He'll understand. He's one of your best friends." Sara was always good at getting out of tough situations and this situation was in desperate need of some damage control.

"You're right," Felicity said, less in agreement with Sara and more in an attempt to convince herself. "Barry's not an idiot, I'm sure he'll understand I was just a dumb kid with too much time on my hands."

Sara smiled as her best friend calmed down, giving her an encouraging hug. After a few seconds of silence, Sara let go and looked at Felicity, smirking.

"So....I don't remember you telling me about that harbor line? Who knew you were such a revolutionary poet?" she laughed, earning herself an elbow to the ribcage. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, no more mocking. Let's figure out exactly what you're going to tell the little nerd at school tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i now this is taking it's sweet time but i promise the drama (and olicity) is coming. the next chapter will feature felicity coming face to face with barry and the revelation that the ~other~ person also got her letter (i wonder who that could be...) please tell me what you want to see more of/what you hated/what you liked in the comments OR you can always contact me on twitter at @haynes_rickards. see ya soon.

**Author's Note:**

> i have no beta so i apologize for any grammar errors. so what do you guys think???? tell me your pressing thoughts in the comments


End file.
